What is my story that half of everyone I know hasn’t gone through at some point already?
It’s a long story, which I find hilarious, because who knew that in half a year my life would change a lot more than it has in all of the years I’ve been living. Okay, anyway, just starting college, I made a mistake. What mistake did I make? I fell in love. And of course it was your typical cheesy romance where I believed he loved me too, but of course I never said a word because I was afraid, afraid of love. Yet, he made me feel safe, so I let myself fall for the first time. And I was right to be afraid because I’m still falling and he isn’t here to catch me. I never did want to start dating really, but I didn’t have the willpower to say no because he made me happy, and we were happy, for a while. Then one day he just up and wanted it over, and I just went along with everything he had to say, yet some hope lingered. “Maybe he still likes me” a small voice in my head said, but recently I confronted him, and now I know. He does’t feel the same way. And so now I’m empty. I still remember the feeling of his arms around me, the feeling of falling asleep next to him, the feeling of his lips pressed to mine, and the feeling of joy I felt whenever I saw his absolutely beautiful smile. Maybe I’m being punished because I did something I shouldn’t have. I don’t even know, but the worst thing in my opinion is just not knowing. I can accept it’s over, but part of me is dying because I have no idea what went wrong, what finally pushed him away. I guess I’ll just have to live with the fact that, as usual, I wasn’t good enough, and so I’m sorry to him. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be good to him, and that I never will be.
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